3 Practices to Connect with Your Sensual Wisdom

Module 2: Practices

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being present with our thoughts, sensations, and emotions without judgment. It has been shown to help a wide variety of sexual concerns, including sexual anxiety, pain, low desire, and erectile disorder, as well as improve overall sexual satisfaction. Mindfulness can help reduce spectatoring, which is the experience of being in your head instead of being present, embodied, and connected to yourself and/or your partner during sex. While mindfulness is a skill that takes time to develop, it can be a deeply supportive practice to increase your sexual pleasure, healing, and fulfillment.

Mindfulness practices

1. Deep breathing: Sit in a comfortable position or lay down. You can do this with a partner or on your own. Close your eyes and connect with your breath. As you inhale through your nose, notice the sensations in your body, particularly in your pelvis, heart, and stomach. Exhale through your mouth and release any tension or tightness from your body. Start to envision warm, pleasurable energy moving through your body with each inhale and continue to release tension as you exhale. If you notice that you get distracted or get in your head, just note this and then come back to your breath and your body. When you feel ready to end this breathing practice, you can gently move your body in whatever way feels authentic to you, slowly open your eyes, and connect back with your space or with your partner.

2. Self-compassion: If you are experiencing sexual difficulties like spectatoring, anxiety, pain, shame, or difficulty orgasming, self-compassion can be a helpful practice. Use mindfulness to recognize and label these thoughts. Connect with common humanity — the recognition that sexuality can bring up many (often difficult) emotions and thoughts, and that this is part of our shared human experience. You can label when you are experiencing spectatoring, fear, or shame, and speak to yourself with kindness and softness. Sex is vulnerable. It can feel so raw to share ourselves in this way, or to feel like we don’t fit into “shoulds” around sex. Self-compassion is a practice that can help you connect with your sexuality in a deep way that isn’t based on performance, meeting a goal, or a “should”. You are worthy of pleasurable, joyful, safe, and connected sexual experiences.

Embodiment

Embodiment goes hand-in-hand with mindfulness. It is the experience of truly inhabiting our bodies. Through embodiment, we feel our sensations, we connect with our sensual energy, and we are present. Embodiment can help us reduce inner judgment and distracting thoughts, as well as reconnect with pleasurable sensations and body gratitude.

Embodiment practice: Focus on the senses

• Touch: You can explore the sense of touch by yourself or by taking turns with a partner. Embodied touch practices include exploring massage and touch with different pressures, strokes, and different areas of the body. Begin by focusing on areas of your (or your partner’s) body other than the genitals or breasts. You can choose to explore genitals and breasts later in the practice, or simply focus on connecting with the pleasure and senses of the other areas of your body. Notice how it feels in your body and hands as you touch yourself or your partner. You can explore touch with different textures, including velvet, soft blankets, a feather, lotion, or oil. If you notice that you get distracted or are trying to make the practice goal-oriented, bring your attention back to your body’s sensations.

• Sight: Reflect on where you usually have sex or practice self-pleasure. Is it a beautiful, sensual space? Or does it feel cluttered and distracting? Consider what would make your space feel sensual, grounding, and nurturing. Explore different lighting, colors, and other sights that help you stay relaxed, present, and sensual. You can also connect with how it feels to look at your partner’s body and the erotic energy you experience around that.

• Hearing: Connect with the sound of your breath and/or the sound of your partner’s breath. This can be especially powerful when you are engaging sexually. Notice the ways that your and/or your partner’s breath (and any other sounds) change while you are exploring different sexual practices and tempos. If you have music on, notice how your movement shifts with the rhythm and how that impacts your sexual energy.

• Scent: Notice how different scents impact your sexual excitement, grounding, and presence in the moment. Scents that you can explore might include massage oils, flowers, and even your partner’s scent(s) such as their shampoo, perfume, etc. Incorporate scents that help you feel grounded and are not too overwhelming.

• Taste: You can play around with different tastes with your partner or with yourself. If it feels authentic to you, notice how your body and tongue feel as you explore the taste of fruit or chocolate. You can also stay connected to your senses while kissing your partner, or while licking or kissing their body.

Authenticity

It is all too easy to internalize messages about how we should be sexually, what we should like sexually, and what “good” or “normal” sex is. It can be hard to find what feels truly authentic to us— what brings us pleasure, excitement, and connection. Authentic sex gives us a space to explore the different types of sexual energies and archetypes or universal patterns and themes that feel true to us and our sensuality. Through this exploration, you can begin to embrace who you are, share more of yourself with your partner, and enjoy deeper layers of pleasure, embodiment, and joy.

Here are just a few of the sexual energies and archetypes that you can begin to explore:

• Playfulness: If your authentic sexual energy includes playfulness, you may enjoy playing with fantasies, experimenting with new sensual practices, flirtation, laughter, and exploring the senses. The archetypes that embody playfulness include: The Maiden and The Free Spirit.

• Wildness: This energy explores the primal life force and sexual energy. It is raw, wild, and embodied. If you are drawn to this energy, you might enjoy experimenting with different paces of sex, pressures of touch, synchronizing movement and breath with your partner, and full body exploration. Archetypes that embody wildness include: The Wild Person/Man/Woman

• Sacredness: There are many ways to explore sacredness in sexuality. If this feels like something you have been craving, you may be drawn to tantra, eye gazing, slow sex, and mindful sexuality practices. Sex goes beyond physical pleasure and is a portal for deep union with yourself, your partner, and the universe/divine. Archetypes that incorporate sacredness include: The Mystic and The Priestess.

• Eroticism: This is a deep, luscious, sensual erotic energy. Eroticism incorporates both softness and slowness, as well as wildness and excitement. Practices that connect with erotic energy include mindful sex, self-pleasure, focusing on the senses, and prioritizing pleasure and sensuality. Archetypes that connect with the erotic include: The Goddesses Venus and Aphrodite and The Lover Archetype.

There are infinite archetypes and so many ways to connect with your authentic sexual and sensual energy. These energies and archetypes are just a start to the journey of sensual self-discovery. In the next module, you will have the opportunity to deepen your self-exploration.